The mask is all that is there. Only those closest know what lies underneath. I am in the process of writing a book as a reference point of inspiration, hope, a glimmer of light at the end of the dark tunnel you’ve probably prayed to get out of for quite some time. We’ve all been there. For me, it was 27 years of abuse until I finally found the self-worth, strength, and courage to leave and stay gone. I will help you get there too!
The following along with the picture to the left were some of the original content of the dark version of this site. Then I realized the world had enough dark places, what it needed was light! So, for now, I’ll leave the verbiage below to remind me how far I’ve come and why I should NEVER go back, and you shouldn’t either. It only takes a step towards the light every day at your own pace to get to the life of peace and tranquility you deserve. Be sure to sign up for my Guided Light Tours newsletter. First 1000 subscribers receive a free 15 distance Reiki session with the intention of your choice, a weekly light infused email to light your way out and inspire you as you go and to help you to know you are not alone. Also, get notified when my book is released and receive a free chapter and discount to purchase a copy for yourself.
“I’ve always gone to him for things like this, EVERYTHING really. I needed him so much. He became my world, the oxygen that filled my lungs as if I were on life support, and he my supply. Supply and demand I think.
For the moment, I know that I’m alive and feeling grateful to my supply. I guess that makes me the demand..for the moment, for that moment.
To be honest with myself, I had seen or I have felt; more times than I care to admit, his hand slowly methodically travel the length of that cord, my lifeline with a cold smile on his face. His eyes meet mine. I try to look away but I can’t. I get a distinct feeling that I am not allowed to look away. He wants me to watch him, his eyes command me to watch while his hand reaches the source that holds my supply; but not my demand. His demand, his demand that holds me paralyzed while I watch him pull the source of our intimate current out and I watch while I witness everything that I hold sacred receive his tender but intentional perverse touch; between his thumb and forefinger before he allows it to come to rest in his now tightly clenched hand…”
~ Author – M Light
A book is in the works! A book different from others out there. A book based on healing energy and taking back your power. A book that offers help for healing from the tangled ball of lights that they have turned your brain into. It’s like to take back your power, to grow, to become a butterfly! If you have an inspiring story of survival and would like to have your story included in my new book please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and tell me how your story might help change the lives of other people for the better and it may be included in my book of love and light.
A letter from a friend after I went to her for advice on my relationship:
“M, that piece of paper that gives your living arrangements a title. That piece of paper, is more for practical reasons. Such as filing taxes, pensions, keeping records for the purpose of having your names in the system. The names of children; if any.
Paper= Proof of marriage= is a law made by man. For the purposes of many things that have nothing to do with love, promises made to each other between a man and a woman, respect, honor, commitments made from the hearts of soul mates.
Let’s put that aside for now because real love, honor, respect, promises made from a place of what is held sacred between a man and a woman should be nurtured, protected, and respected. There are necessary boundaries, priorities, responsibilities. Yes, responsibilities. Our men of today need a major overhaul. They have forgotten or have not been taught how to be a real man. On how to be real MEN standing strong as a leader. The MEN of today with respect and honor are becoming extinct. There are too many women devaluing their selves, lowering the bar so low, that the men don’t have any standard to hold up too. When we allow this behavior that is unacceptable in their marriage, they then have to suffer the consequences. They’re children suffer the consequences.
Your marriage was over a very, very long time ago. Denial serves its purpose when we are so disappointed things don’t turn out the way we fantasize them too. So, therefore, we mourn the loss of what we wanted, of how things were supposed to be. Women in abusive relationships always, somehow find a way to blame themselves or feel like they don’t deserve to be treated like a queen. If you did command respect, respect would be present at all times.
It sounds to me that your ties to your husband, are similar to that of a young girl that had been kidnapped, taken against her will many, many years ago. And somehow, something starts to happen. The victim begins to look upon her captor as a caretaker figure, father figure, heroic figure. An abuser; to the abused, becomes their lifeline. Reality gets further and further from the truth.
One element different in your case; different than being “kidnapped”,
You haven’t been kidnapped… You were very young when you met. You’re an empathetic person. Being an Empath leaves us very vulnerable; especially at a very young age.
Also, you two have a lot of history together. That in itself is scary. It’s natural to be scared. Scared of divorce. People don’t like change.
M, let this be. Get out while you’re still young.
He RESENTS you. He married you for a reason that he either A) grew out of
B) He had not so honorable, ulterior motives.
He was broken when you met. He resents you… If it wasn’t you, it would be someone else. He’s a con M. He’s a coward. He is not right in the head. He has no moral compass. A wolf in sheep’s clothing.
You need to remember this, even though he resents you, there is something that he still wants from you. I would guess that would be your soul… The one thing he hasn’t mastered yet.”
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